Reading Response-"Ashes"

            In Susan Beth Pfeffer’s short story “Ashes”, the protagonist Ashes is faced with a decision that could ultimately shape her future. Through Ashes’ relationship with her divorced parents, the reader can see how difficult it is to choose between the one who flatters and makes promises he cannot keep and the one who provides her with what she needs, but does not express any love—something every child wants. When she is faced with a moral dilemma, choosing to support one parent over the other will mean defining her personal values and deciding what she wants out of life.

            Ashes’ father seems to be the ‘good guy’ because he showers her with compliments and promises. However, he only tells her what he knows she wants to hear and cannot provide her with what she needs or what she wants —a parent that can follow through and keep his promises. For example, Pfeffer writes, “When I was little, Dad used to promise me the stars for a necklace, but like most of his promises, that one never quite happened” (115-116). This is a very powerful quote because it shows her father’s inability to carry through, and how irresponsible he is, telling her things he knows are unrealistic, but promising them to her anyway. This can be frustrating for a child, especially a teen, because there is always a hope that maybe the next time it will work out. Ashes was in this situation, and she is now starting to doubt her father’s ability to be a good caretaker, especially when he tries to convince her to do something that she knows is morally wrong. He tells her that if he can get his hands on two hundred dollars to pay off a debt, he will be financially set for life. However, the only place he knows he can obtain that much money fast is by “borrowing” it from Ashes’ mother. He asks Ashes to take it from her mother’s emergency supply—further proof of his irresponsibility. He is willing to let his child take the blame for something that she should never have been involved in. He says, “‘…I swear to you Ashes, I’d have the money in your hands by Friday at the latest’” (122). Ashes knows that this is wrong, and she questions him, but only halfheartedly because she wants to trust him. However, she has had experience with him being unreliable, and that has made her stop and think before blindly following him as she has done in the past.

            Ashes’ mother is the opposite of her father, seemingly cold and aloof, but what Ashes comes to realize is that her mother is able to provide her with what she needs to grow.  However she cannot provide Ashes with the love and affection that she wants. Despite this, Ashes learns that her mother is the real parent in her life, someone she can trust and look up to even though she is far from perfect. When walking into her mothers’ apartment, Pfeffer describes Ashes’ reaction. “It always felt a little colder when Mom wasn’t there. Even with the lights turned on it seemed a little darker” (124). Although Ashes previously stated that whenever she sees her dad, the sun is always shining, her mother seems to be the real source of light. Ashes is always comfortable with her, and can rely on her. While her father is spontaneous in his acts of kindness, Ashes can list all of the preparations her mother has made just in case, such as, “The flashlight with working batteries for a blackout. The extra quarters when the laundry isn’t quite dry. The gift-wrapped bottle of wine for the unexpected and undesired Christmas guest” (116). Her mother excels at being prepared—there is never a crisis in Ashes’ life that cannot be fixed by something her mother has close at hand, but Ashes never feels loved when she’s around her mom; and that is what she wants.

            Ashes faces a difficult decision that could potentially shape her future. If Ashes chooses to steal from her mother, she will earn her father’s trust and devotion. However, she knows in her heart that most of what he says to her is not true, and he is not afraid to manipulate his own daughter by flattering her to get what he wants. She will also be damaging her relationship with her mother which could mean cutting off necessary resources that her father is not able to provide. If Ashes chooses to stay loyal to her mother and do what is morally right by not stealing the money, she will gain her mother’s trust. In addition to this she will be stunting her relationship with her father which might not necessarily be a bad thing because he could not provide her with anything substantial, but it will mean that she never hears the words “you’re one in a million” which make her feel loved even though she knows that they are only half real. “I stood over the teapot and stared at the money,” she states. “Ten Andrew Jacksons stared right back at me. They offered no advice on what I should do” (123). This shows her indecision and how important it is to her that she make the right choice.

            The struggle that Ashes faces with divorced parents is that one can give her what the other cannot. Her father flatters her and tells her everything that he knows will make her feel good, but cannot follow through on anything he says and is not able to provide Ashes with what she needs. Ashes’ mother is always prepared—she anticipates everything from a rainy day to an earthquake, but while Ashes feels safe with her mother, she does not feel loved, and that is something that she wants so much that when it comes to choosing one parent over the other, it is hard for her to make a choice even though she knows what is morally right. The decision she makes will shape her future and her values, but no matter which parent she chooses, it will mean damaging her relationship with the other.