In the book The Impossible Knife of Memory, Julie
Halse Anderson tells the story of a family broken apart by war, and their
effort to put the pieces back together. The protagonist, Hayley, lives with her
father, a soldier struggling with the aftermath of battle. After roaming the
country in their pickup truck as Andy (her father) tries to escape the horrors
that won’t leave his mind, he decides that they needed to settle somewhere and
try for a ‘normal’ life. However, Andy’s memories catch up to him, and he turns
to drugs and alcohol to drown them out. This raises some ethical concerns-where
is the line between a true caretaker and a “parent”? And is it fair for a child
to become a caretaker when there is a parent who should be able? When the roles
become reversed, it interferes with Hayley’s trust in others, her ability to
focus on what she needs to be doing for herself, and her interpretations of her
surroundings at all times.
Hayley has a hard time trusting anyone to be a stable
part of her future because of all the times she has placed her trust in someone
and they didn’t last. Her mom died when she was little and Hayley’s father was
fighting in the war, so she went to live with her Grandma. She loved her
Grandma, but eventually she passed away as well. Then, when her father came
home from the army, he wasn’t the same person he was when he went off to fight,
and she realized that she couldn’t trust him to be a balanced part of her
future either. When his girlfriend Trish moved in, she cared for Hayley like
her own daughter, and Hayley placed all of her trust in Trish. However, Trish
started drinking more, neglecting Hayley and fighting with Andy until he kicked
her out. All of the adults in Hayley’s life that she should be able to rely on
have abandoned her (whether they could help it or not) so Hayley doesn’t let
herself get close to an adult that she feels will not come through in the long
run. She won’t even let her guidance counselor help her apply to colleges. Ms.
Benedetti tries her hardest to reason with Hayley, convince her to try harder,
apply herself to her work. However, Hayley just blows her off every time.
“‘Damn it, Hayley!’ She pounded the armrest. ‘Quit screwing around. This is
your future.’ ‘The present can’t be the future, Ms. Benedetti. It can only be
the present.’ ‘What are you so afraid of?’” (283). This is a very meaningful
piece of dialogue because it shows Hayley’s aversion to placing her trust in
someone. Hayley is afraid of being let down once again, seeing another adult
abandon her.
Hayley’s worry for her dad is causing her to lose focus
on her responsibilities towards herself. Taking care of him is a full-time job
which causes her to neglect her schoolwork. Because there is no one in her life
trying to keep her on track, she is constantly skipping school, in detention,
and getting in trouble with her teachers and guidance counselor. The first line
of the book is, “It started in detention. No surprise there, right?” (1). This
shows that she is used to the consequences for her actions, and it seems like
this has happened many times before. Andy’s lack of involvement in his
daughter’s life directly influences her lack of involvement in her schoolwork,
which could seriously damage her chance of having a future to look forward to.
He has taught her that no good ever comes from thinking about what will come
next, as opposed to what’s happening now. It is good to think about the
present, but everyone needs to be able to think ahead as well.
Being around her father and his horrifying flashbacks has
caused Hayley to view people in an unusual way. She has a military routine by
which she judges people, whether it is the drunks on the corner or an old lady
on the bus. First, she finds what threat these strangers might pose to her.
Then she assesses the situation with military precision—every possible
scenario, every escape route, every way to defend herself or fight back. Then
she springs into action on whatever plan she chooses. This routine shows a
little paranoia that Hayley developed from being around her father. When there
is too much input and she can’t perform her routine on everyone around her, she
shuts down. For example, when she accompanies her friend to the mall, she
becomes overwhelmed by the people and the noise. “I bumped, shoved, slipped
into tiny cracks in the crowd, needing to get Out! Out! Out! as soon as possible…I walked as fast as the crowd
would let me, eyes scanning for exits…” (323). This shows how disoriented she
becomes when there are too many people and there isn’t enough time to find the
threat, assess, and then take action. To her, everyone is a threat, and if she
can’t take the proper steps to ensure her safety, she feels vulnerable and
insecure.
A teen should never be forced to take on a parental role,
especially to her own parent. No child should have to give up focus on what
they want from life in order to care for the parent who should be caring for
them. No child should need a routine to keep their paranoia at bay because
their parent isn’t there to watch out for them. No child should be unable to
trust someone because of all the times that they have experienced caretakers
that couldn’t become a stable part of their future. Hayley’s father should be
making an effort to sort out his situation so that Hayley can relax and live a
more normal life.
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